The Real Key to Influencing the Behavior of Other People
Why trust is not enough and why you need an emotional bank account.
In my corporate job, my main role is to support complex and often distressed projects where millions of dollars are at stake. Emotions (particularly negative ones) are frequently running high, and the urgency is always elevated. I often get asked what my approach is to turning these projects around.
Here’s my answer:
I have found that though these projects may present with symptoms like technical issues, at-risk financials, or contractual complications — the root cause of why it develops into a problem is typically dysfunctional people dynamics. Therefore, the solution almost always begins with influencing someone or multiple people to change their behavior.
After years of acting in this role, I’ve been pretty pleased with my success rate. And yet, the one immovable person whose behavior I have almost zero influence over — is my father.
Years ago, I read a book that said that all you need to influence a person’s behavior is trust. Well, that works most of the time, but not with certain wonderfully complicated relationships — like family.