Parenting in the times of Pandemic.
Amy Powell’s Interview with Brandi Jordan on Taking Care of Our Kids Today.
Being a mother to two young children is by far the most rewarding, fulfilling, challenging, and purposeful journey of my life. I have always felt torn between my career and motherhood; always feeling that I am failing at one or the other depending on the day. During the pandemic, I was fortunate to be able to spend time with my children as I never had before and the chasm of space between work and home disappeared. I shared every minute of the day with my kids; I got to know them in new and unexpected ways and they were able to see me “at work” — even if that meant in sweatpants on Zoom. We did everything together for the first time in our lives, from cooking & eating every meal together, exercising, finishing homework, and watching every single episode of Shark Tank ever produced. Every aspect of our lives slowed down, our schedules became non-existent and we deepened our relationships with each other. It was hard. But, I loved it. So now, as we emerge from the strange hibernation of the past two years, I have been asking myself how I can hold on to all of the lessons of the pandemic; the good, the bad, the joy, and the tears.
I decided to turn to my favorite childhood development expert, Brandi Jordan, to give us all some advice. Brandi is a Board Certified Lactation Consultant, Pediatric Sleep Specialist, Newborn Care Specialist and a Postpartum Doula. She holds a BA in Child Development and a Master’s of Social Work from USC, where she is adjunct faculty lecturing in the area of infant mental health and culturally competent mental health care.
Amy Powell: As an expert who holds a BA in child development & a master’s of social work, I can imagine you have a strong point of view on the effects of the last two years on all of us — but, in particular, on those of us who are parents. Can you talk a little bit about how the pandemic effected moms, dads and childcare workers?
Brandi Jordan: The truth is the pandemic for some families was a gift and for others a tragedy. I know so many families who have been stretched thin for so many years, and it took a Global pandemic for them to catch their breath and finally slow down. Many decided during this time not to go back to how they were before. I want to acknowledge that we finally had to face as a nation how many families are absolutely living on the edge living paycheck to paycheck, without adequate health insurance, financial reserves, or a community of people to help support went something as all-consuming as these past few years have been for so many people. Many children thrived by being able to work from home, and have fewer distractions. We saw the premature birth rate plummet, with moms staying home, reducing stress and their exposure to others which limit the contraction of communicable diseases. Parents with special needs children saw a light in their children like they’ve never seen before, which unfortunately has made many focus on how for many children the school systems as they currently function doesn’t serve all of our kids well. On the other hand, we know suicidality and depression rose starkly among teens, and those with a predisposition to mental health and mood disorders. When I think of people who worked with families and children during this time they were the first responders. They were in the background of zoom meetings, they were forced out of low paying daycares and preschools as they were forced to close their doors. Even well meaning families who could afford to offer several months of paid leave at the beginning of the pandemic after months and months and lots of financial uncertainty were often force to lay off these workers. Childcare workers often without benefits, a largely female, largely BIPOC demographic suffered greatly during this time. I have to say though that the pandemic brought a bit of a baby boom which has created an overwhelming demand for doulas, newborn care. specialists, and quality childcare workers. We are now seeing employers forced to pay living wages, and benefits that were unheard of prior to the pandemic.
My biggest concern for all families, including my own is that we haven’t learned enough during this ardous process. I see so many going right back to the status quo and not choosing to do, create, or be something different and better. When you are raised and socialized in a society where individualism is praised, I see this bubble of time as validation in how much we need people, community, and regular human interaction. So much of my work as a parenting expert is teaching people and parents how to go back to basics. How to create a home and family environment that truly works for them and their little ones. We often like to blow off the people who say eating dinner at the table every night with our families is life-changing. Simple tasks like getting a dose of nature each day, making our beds, or any ritual that makes us more joyful and connected is ACTUALLY the answer, the anecdote, and the magic to not only surviving but thriving as parents.
Amy: Do you have any lessons learned from new moms that gave birth during the pandemic on both their own journey as well as that of their newborn?
Brandi: I think this comes back to the need for connection and belonging. So many “pandemic” parents and babies didn’t get to join the childbirth education classes while pregnant, they had not postpartum circles to join with other new parents and most have admitted to a sense of isolation and loneliness. Becoming a parent it filled with so many new emotions, one of the things that carry most parents through this time was being able to commiserate with other parents. These parents feel like they missed out on much of that camaraderie. Now, there is also a silver lining to every situation. The pandemic made the whole world slow down. Parents who birthed during these times also state how they were able to spend more quality time with their children and partners and had a lot of time to sort through the complicated emotions of being a new parent and navigating new roles in their relationships.
Amy: We are all stunned by the baby formula shortage. Can you offer some advice on how new parents can get through this crisis?
Brandi: Rely on your community. I run two large parent Facebook groups for parents based in Los Angeles. On a daily basis, I see parents alerting parents when they see formula stocked on grocery shelves. There are weekly swaps, and fold driving extra formula to those in need. If you are a parent with a young child who needs formula I’d suggest joining online groups in your community for parents, and also letting your community know that you are looking. Now to be very honest, before this shortage I have always recommended that my clients order formula from Europe where safety and nutritional standards are much more stringent than their US manufactured counterparts. (Hipp and Holle are my go-to recs).
Now I have a controversial opinion about this formula shortage, we keep talking about how to fix the shortage, but haven’t talked a lot about why there has been pretty much a monopoly by three manufactures to begin with. Despite having what some would call inferior products to what can be found overseas, most of those formulas can’t be bought in the US because they are not “FDA” approved. We also know that government entities such as WIC have contracts with these larger manufacturers to provide formula to its clients at reduced costs. In theory this is great, but this also means that underserved communities don’t get access to organic and higher quality formulas that my clients and those with more economic means have access too. During this shortage they have now been providing vouchers allowing for WIC clients to “shop” different formulas. If this is possible now, it can be possible all the time.
Amy: Can you share some advice for how parents can talk to their children about the pandemic?
Brandi: Children are such intuitive beings. Yet, for many their opinions, fears, and feelings about the pandemic were/are greatly affected by how they saw and heard the adults around them dealing with it. My biggest advice is to share the basic info that your kids absolutely need to know, and leave the rest. With my own children, we had conversations about why handwashing was now more important than ever. We spoke about precautions that we needed to have around elderly family members, and what Covid-19 was. Beyond that it was not a common discussion around our home, nor did we spend much time talking about it. Our kids need to feel safe and secure, if you are feeling unsafe it’s best to sort out those feelings before having conversations with your little ones. It is also important to tell them when you don’t have the answers, and that you don’t know what is going to happen, but that you family is taking all the necessary precautions to keep everyone safe. Unfortunately, many were also faced to have conversations with their children about death when close friends or loved ones died during this time. For very young children it’s important to quantify sickness for them as an example Big Sick- Cancer, Little Sick: Cold; this ensures that they have less worry about losing loved ones when they say they are sick.
Amy: Can you highlight some suggestions on we can try to try to reclaim our sense of calm and balance with this new normal of masks, work-from-home, school closures, etc.?
Brandi: “Make room for beauty”. This may sound overly simplistic or cliche, but so many of us literally don’t take time to stop and smell the roses. The truth is humans by primal nature are senses-driven people. Having a space that feels organized (this might mean splurging on housekeeping, or having a family “organize day”), simple things like buying those flowers at the grocery store and putting them on the dining room table may seem like nothing that will really move the needle, but you are actually retraining your brain to care about yourself and your mental well-being. You are getting yourself use to “joy” if you’ve been out of practice. Now more concretely, if we haven’t already learned this in the past two years, I am gonna say it again: everyone needs to get outside. When I first started as a doula and there was a little one that was having a really tough time, I’d often take the baby outside and all would be well in seconds, adults and small children are no different. My most shared quote is “calm is contagious” so if you want to reclaim that sense of calm its important to set your environment up for success, and that includes for your kiddos. That can look like nap time and consistent bed time or mandatory outdoor time daily. Most importantly, you have to plan for it, put it on your calendar, schedule it in like you would any other appointments.
So much of these things are changing on a daily and weekly basis, and depending on where you are in the country these rules don’t exist, or aren’t even enforced. The BEST thing that parents can do with and for their children is to put their mental and verbal focus elsewhere. Model to your kids flexibility, being okay even when conditions aren’t optimal, and being upset when things are upsetting! Its okay for kids to see a range of emotions from their caregivers, but they should see you regulating your emotions in ways that make them feel secure. If you need help with that, don’t be ashamed. Get a therapist, personal trainer, or anything that will help you be a happier you. Your little ones are depending on it.
About Brandi Jordan:
Brandi has been helping new families grow, adjust, and find balance for almost two decades.
Brandi is a Board Certified Lactation Consultant, Pediatric Sleep Specialist, Newborn Care Specialist and a Postpartum Doula. She holds a BA in Child Development and a Master’s of Social Work from USC, where she is adjunct faculty lecturing in the area of infant mental health and culturally competent mental health care.
In 2009, she opened The Cradle Company, a pregnancy and postpartum resource center. Brandi’s work as a consultant, parenting group leader, and in-home practitioner has led her to develop a unique philosophy of gentle parenting techniques that are a pragmatic, practical and healthy approach for the “whole” family. In 2018 Brandi founded the National Association of Birth Workers of Color.
About Amy Powell:
Amy Powell is a recognized industry leader and pioneer in the next generation of digital marketing & content creation. As an entrepreneur and founder of multiple digital, film and television companies, her expertise spans across digital marketing, story-telling, brand-building, content creation and business intelligence.
You can reach her on her website, Twitter, Facebook, & Instagram.
