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How To Fall In Love Without Losing Yourself
Proven ways to stay healthy in a new relationship—even if you’ve had codependent tendencies in the past
Daring to fall in love—especially after you’ve lost yourself in the process once before—is a courageous act. And if you are prone to codependency, you must be vigilant about protecting yourself and preserving your energy in a new relationship.
Before realizing I was prone to codependent behavior myself, I lost my sense of identity in all of my romantic relationships. For me, a new love was equivalent to an overflowing schedule, detachment from friends, and decreasing interest in my hobbies. More love meant less me.
Losing your sense of self in a relationship sparks a unique brand of pain. Slowly, insidiously, your social circle shrinks, your alone time whittles away, and you neglect the passions and hobbies that were once so important to you. These subtle injuries to your innermost self pass, often unnoticed, over time. You become a stranger, even to yourself.
When your relationship ends and you return to yourself — perhaps after months, years, or decades of being lost — you feel the pain and displacement of an empty identity and wonder how you got here.
The opportunity for love that causes most people joy and excitement might cause you worry and anxiety. You may wonder, How do I avoid the patterns of my past? How do I fall in love without losing myself?
When I healed sufficiently from my own heartbreak, my heart opened to the prospect of romantic intimacy. Instead of excitement, though, the thought filled me with fear. I had never been in love without losing myself before. How could I ensure that this time would be different?
Luckily, I had spent years studying this very question. I had led hundreds of clients through the process of self-affirmation and guided them through the joys and fears of new love. Using specific mindfulness practices, visioning exercises, and coaching tools, we can bolster our sense of self and stay grounded in the face of new love.
